Day Shift — How To Clear Brain Fog, Stay Grounded

"Take a breath, be here, and see what happens."

"If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never be lost."

Today we’re talking about ways to get through the day—one day at a time—and ultimately, to get through our lives.

A lot of us are really challenged right now, trying to accept reality as it is. We wish things were different than they are. We wish it felt different than it feels. We wish something hadn’t happened or that something else had. I’m not trying to speak in code—this is just the way we live most of the time. There’s always something wrong. What is it? Let me figure it out, and as soon as I figure it out, I’ll fix it, change it, and then I’ll be okay.

But we’ve never been successful at this. I just have to say, this is not an equation that works. I can’t change what happened at the beginning of this recording, let alone what happened last week, last year, or when I was 10 years old, or 5 years old, or whenever it was. I can’t change any of it. And when I live in the idea that it should be different, I’m living in the idea that if only I were good enough, I could change it. If only I were better at XYZ, it wouldn’t have happened—or it would’ve happened differently. And on and on it goes.

We end up never being where we actually are. And why do we want to be where we are, when it’s so uncomfortable, when it’s so frightening, when it feels so hopeless?

Well, if I never let myself be where I am, I never get to move from where I am.

As my dear sister Bird says, "You can’t jump from air to air. You have to get here." You have to be here. You have to feel the hopelessness, the despair, the anger, the rage, the sorrow, the sadness, the disgust. Have it all. Have it big. But have it here. Not up here in your head. This is the place of no change. The mind generates thoughts—always telling me how to change that which can’t be changed, and then spinning stories about what it means that this is happening or that is happening, or that they’re doing this, or that I’m doing that. It’s making it all up.

Get here. Be here. Find the courage, or the wherewithal, to feel how desperately uncomfortable it might feel right now—how ugly, how sorrowful. But let yourself be here. And take a breath. Because when we’re trying to get away from it, we don’t get to take a breath. When we’re trying to escape, we lose the ability to breathe.

Be here. And then, once I am here, all the swirling pieces of it can begin to settle down. I can begin to feel that place of "okay"—the truth of me, the center of me, the essence of me. From that place, I will be grounded in reality, and that reality will show me what the next right action might be. One step in the direction of better, in the direction of healing, in the direction of "What the hell do I do now?"

I’ll never figure it out. But when I trust enough to settle into those feelings—to get to the very deepest experience of that discomfort that I can—and then just ask something greater than my thinking, "What’s the next right action? What can I do?" The answer might be the dishes. It might be to have a nap, because I haven’t slept in days. It might be to call a friend and ask how they’re doing. I guarantee that each of us knows at least one person who is having an even more difficult time right now than we are. They could really use our help. They could really use someone to just reflect back, "Yeah, I know. It sucks, doesn’t it?"

I hope you have a beautiful day. And remember:

The only thing we have any choice over in this moment is the attitude we’re going to step forward with today.

Thanks for reading.

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Jeff Kober is an accomplished actor, photographer and vedic meditation teacher. He has had regular roles in notable series like The Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, and NCIS: Los Angeles, and has appeared in numerous films including Sully and Beauty Mark. Kober is also a writer and artist, and has previously penned screenplays and authored the book Embracing Bliss.